Wallow with me, won't you?

Sometimes life is just less than stellar.  Is it worse when something happens that was beyond your control or when you've inadvertently caused it yourself?  It's a hard choice for me since I'm a bit of a control freak but I'm also excellent at heaping guilt upon myself.

It just occurred to me that it's very odd that for all I don't like to not be in control of things, I find it strangely comforting when books about time travel don't allow events to be changed (a self-correcting history, if you will).  There's probably some revealing pyschoanalytical explanation for that but heck if I know what it is.  Sidebar:  Freud is weird.

Anyway, when I get down (about a big thing, not just them being out of ice cream at McDonald's*), I tend to wallow a bit before pulling myself back together.  I retreat into solitude like a woodland creature that knows it's dying (yay for melodrama!) and don't talk to anyone and replay events over and over in my head until everything is way more intense and dire than it was originally.  This, you might think, it so not a good plan.  I concur.  You might then ask yourself why I do it.

I don't know.  But it is invariably my default.  I keep meaning to change those settings . . .

Basically, there is a Rational Me (RM) and an Irrational Me (IM).  RM is very logical and when things happen understands the reasons behind it and makes practical decisions based on the information at hand.  IM mostly stands around moaning "But why?" ad naseum.  Needless to say, they don't really get along.  And RM apparently doesn't eat her Wheaties because when it comes down to it, IM usually wins.  It's pretty exhausting being irrational though, so RM will occasionally break free and berate IM for exacerbating the situation and shake her head in shame.  All of which makes me feel thoroughly schizophrenic, but I like to play it off by blaming astrology:  "I'm a Gemini!  I'm supposed to have dual personalities!"

Sigh.  I am such a trial to me.**


*Wtf is up with this?  The McDonald's by my college campus was ALWAYS running out of ice cream.  The only thing I want from you people is an Oreo McFlurry!  I have no reason to come here if there is no ice cream!

**Just so you don't think I'm totally loony, I do always at some point bring a real live whole other person into the discussions and then like magic I always feel a lot better.  You'd think I'd just do this right off the bat but, nope, I never do.  It's a bit of a mystery.